This post may contain affiliate links. That means if you click and buy, I may receive a small commission. Please read my full disclosure policy for details.
Since I was little, I’ve believed in forever; that one day my prince charming would come, sweep me off my feet and we would live happily ever after. I wanted my first love to be my last and together, we would build a simple home with beautiful kids. You know, a perfect picture of a happy family that is normally depicted in soap operas, commercials and movies.
So, when I had my first boyfriend, I made myself think that he would be the one; the one who would catch me every time I fell, the one that would complete my life; the one reason for me to live and the one that I would spend the rest of my life with.
I was head over heels in love with him so you could only imagine how devastated I was when he decided to end our relationship to pursue his priorities.
It wasn’t just about love. It was also about my dreams too. I didn’t have any plan B in my life because right from the start, I thought it would be him.
Table of Contents
So, I got lost. I jumped from one relationship to another, not knowing exactly what I was looking for.
And of course, with no plans in my mind where my relationships were headed and not having a clear idea of what I wanted to happen in my life, I failed myself. And no matter how hard I tried to be happy, I would always end up being alone.
Until one day, I got tired of being tired. I decided to give up my quest for “happily ever after” and I accepted the thought of growing old alone.
It’s kind of ironic that most of the time, when we choose to give up our efforts in finding happiness, peace of mind starts.
After three years of being single, I met Oliver, who was a total opposite of me. And though he wasn’t perfect, he believed in me despite my messy past and failures in life and he accepted me for all that I am.
Someone once told me that love is not about finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
I thought I understood it before but it was only when I met Oliver that I truly learned the real essence of it.
The piece “Your Ideal Partner Will Always Create Problems” suggests that one of the major reasons why our relationships become dysfunctional is when we try to make our partner “perfect” by changing them or when we try to be “perfect” by changing ourselves.
Choosing a partner simply means choosing a set of problems.
Writer Kyle Benson said, “There are no problem-free candidates.” So ladies, this only means that the “perfect man” is not included in your options. You can only decide to choose to love an imperfect person that you can tolerate.
Also, instead of focusing on what you’ve lost, what’s lacking or other people’s shortcomings, try to notice the beauty around you and appreciate what you have, your experiences and what you’ve learned from them.
The beauty and the meaning of life start from inside you.
“How to be Happy Without Changing Anything But Yourself – Know Thyself” by Jonathon Twiz enlightens us with the hermetic principle of mentalism, which states that “thoughts lead to the manifestation of things and events.”
Everything begins from what’s inside you and how you take action to turn your thoughts into reality. If you focus on bad thoughts such as your insecurities, failures and unpleasant experiences, then everything you will see around you will also be ugly. On the other hand, if you keep a positive mind and choose to enjoy what you have, you are letting beauty and peace in your life.
Instead of dwelling on negativity, use your energy and time wisely by focusing on finding solutions.
It’s completely meaningless to always feel bad and complain about the same problems over and over again when you’re not really doing something about it or when you’re not even trying to solve it.
When you go shopping for clothes, for instance, you always end up feeling bad about yourself because none of the clothes you tried on fit you. You feel insecure because every time you look in the mirror, you see layers of your fat staring back at you. And please, don’t blame it on metabolism, not unless you have an inborn disease or deficiency.
Enough with the excuses because the truth is you just don’t love yourself enough to take good care of your health.
“The Secret to Lasting Weight Loss (That has Nothing to Do with Food)” emphasizes that self-acceptance is the key to lasting weight loss.
Ladies, it’s all about treating your body and yourself with kindness. Don’t get trapped in the diet or binge cycle because these things are only temporary. It doesn’t offer long term effects. Hating yourself doesn’t create positive change.
What can create change is acceptance, which allows awareness.
When you learn to accept “something” such an issue, a difficulty or a bad situation, you also ref-rame what’s going on inside your mind, you change your thoughts and you put that “something” as part of your life. You become aware of its existence and therefore, it becomes easier for you deal with it and find its real fix.
It has always been my dream to travel the world. I wanted to see places, different cultures and meet people from all walks of life. But my finances would always hold me back. Until one day, it occurred to me that there are ways to make it happen.
Daydreaming won’t get you to where you want to be so check this out – “6 Tips For Traveling the World – Even When You’re Totally Broke.”
There’s always a fix, a way out, a solution and a choice.
Accepting your battles and struggles doesn’t mean defeat. It simply means acknowledging what is and being brave enough to deal with it.
I agree that complaining is a complete waste of time and the only way to move forward is to find a solution. One of my favorite sayings is “If you aren’t part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.”
Love yourself first! Best advice I’ve ever been given and best advice I follow. Be happy alone and then you can work on being happy with someone else.
I have always heard about the “Stop focusing on happiness and it will find you” irony, but never had to experience it until recently. It’s true. Focus on what you need, and what you want will find its way to you.
That’s a pretty deep article. I like the part about accepting yourself when it comes to weight loss. Accept every stage of your weight loss/gain/loss journey, and you will eventually have less and less stages. When you don’t eat your feelings………I guess that makes sense.
That makes great sense. I don’t know how east it will be to follow though. I’ve been on that up-down scale and the ups (gaining) are hard to ignore.
I love this too. Sure does seem like an odd saying but I know it is true too. Happiness will find you if you just wait. Focus on you, the rest will come.
Loving yourself is key to being happy. No one will fall in love with you if you don’t love yourself first. Find out who you are and love yourself.
I totally agree with this article. It does not matter what we are looking for in a partner, if we do not love ourselves first, we are never going to find it. At one time, I was a lot like the writer. I went through relationships always looking for Mr. Perfect. It was only when I met my husband who loved everything about me, flaws and all, that I realized how important it is to value myself as well.
This is such a great article for me today. I have been working so hard on accepting myself lately, and learning to love myself. It is so true that happiness comes from within. A change of attitude for the positive can have such wonderful benefits in our lives. I am a work in progress, and that is OK.
As a child growing up, there were people who tried to put me down and make me feel unworthy. However, I was very blessed with wonderful parents who always loved and supported me and taught me to never let others take away my confidence. I have tried to instill the same thing in my children because I believe self love is one of the most important things a person can have.
If you do not love yourself, it is almost impossible to find true happiness. Without self love you are likely to allow others to treat you any way they see fit and this can make you feel miserable. Finding happiness and love within yourself is a very important part of finding happiness and love with someone else.
Being disabled and unable to bring in a steady income for my family really wreaks havoc on my self esteem sometimes. Especially considering I used to be able to work 60 hour weeks and never blink an eye several years ago. I needed to read this today. I have a family who loves me and I need to stop thinking about what I can’t do and be thankful for what I can do.